Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
