I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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