My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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