why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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