Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
