So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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