You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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