i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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