Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
do nipples grow back?
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