the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
