so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
