Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
