I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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