Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
