i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
