Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
