Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
