i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
