Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
