'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Never underestimate the power of titties
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
