the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
