I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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