Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
