ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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