Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Screwed.edu
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
only if we run a train.
done.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
