Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
