Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my being single is dangerous.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
