I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
