I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Randomize
