your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
