All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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