I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
