Apparently you make a good broom.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
