it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there was a trapeze. enough said
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
