3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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