Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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