Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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