Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
