Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You did what with his pubic hair?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
