somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
