she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So much rum. So many feels.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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