i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
