i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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