i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
