will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
