it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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