Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
