in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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