how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
