You can't special order awesome
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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